#3 El Presidente Magnífico

| November 4, 2010 | 4 Comments

El Presidente Magnifico demonstrating the Checks & Balance Neckbreaker

Forty one years ago, a renowned champion luchador known to the public only as El Lobo Loco was booked on his first tour north of the Rio Grande, along the border states. Leaving his native Mexico for the first time in his life, he took this tour very seriously, despite the fact that his young wife was extremely close to giving birth to their first son. So it was decided that she would come along as the young Luchador went to make a name for himself to audiences abroad.

Soon after, El Lobo found himself outside of Nogales, on the Arizona side, fighting a tyrannic trio of tiny wrestlers known as El Totem. It was there where his young wife suddenly went into labor. But the nearest hospital was hours away, & the hall was very dimly lit. Except of course, the center of the ring. And it was there that the child was born.

After the tour was finished, the new family returned home. Years past, & it became quite clear that the child was to follow in the footsteps of his father & his father’s father, & walk the mighty path of the Luchador. His training began at a very early age. The child lived, ate, & breathed Lucha Libre. It was all he knew. Upon coming of age, he was awarded his own mask & set out on his own. He started wrestling under the moniker El Lobo Loco Jr. in tribute to his old man, El Lobo Loco Sr. who at this time, was one of the preeminent wrestlers in all of Mexico, appearing not only in the ring up to five times a week, but even starring in his own film serials & endorsing a full line of toothpastes.

Nepotism was never part of El Lobo Jr’s path to glory. He fought long, & he fought hard. Cage Matches. Ladder Matches. Sudden Death Kerosene Heater Matches with thumbtacks. It was hard to say El Lobo Jr didn’t pay his dues. And finally, on that long & hard road, recognition slowly started to come his way. He worked his way up the ranks to become a headliner, selling out shows all over Mexico. A star on the rise.

This all culminated in what some deem the greatest Lucha Libre match up of all time: El Lobo Loco Jr. challenging El Lobo Loco Sr. for the World Title in Mexico City 1994. Both men shed manly tears of both pride & joy throughout the contentious match up. But at the end of the day, only one luchador could come out on top. And four hours later, that luchador was El Lobo Loco Jr. His father not only presented him with his belt personally, but promptly retired, calling it the pinnacle of his storied career. And upon his leave, announced to millions of fans that his son was no longer El Lobo Loco Jr. but the new & future El Lobo Loco!

Adopting his father’s persona, his stardom only grew, as he branched out & only surpassed the original Lobo’s success. But still, he only knew the life of a luchador. And over time, that life starts to take its toll.

In recent years, it had started to become apparent that El Lobo Loco was in the twilight of his career. Unlike his father, his pace was not steady & he was soon to burnout. Fans were becoming bored of him. Things weren’t looking so good. With waning interest in the one time great, Lobo’s promoters decided to play up Lobo’s dual citizenship status in a gimmick storyline where El Lobo Loco ran for President of the United States during each of their shows. And everyone was willing to play along. For a month or so, Lobo’s entrance music (which around this time had just been changed to the licensed “The Wolf is Loose” by Mastodon) was traded out for Hail to the Chief. As he walked down the ramp, he’d pass out buttons & kiss a (planted) baby or two. Since running for office requires a lot of paperwork, a stipulation to one of his matches at this time forced his defeated opponent had to fill out these extensive records in triplicate. But it was all part of the show. The gimmick had fair to middling success for most viewers & started a slow, but steady resurgence amongst Lobo’s fan base.

Time passed & wrestling storylines moved on. A year later, campaign season, this publicity stunt was nearly forgotten. But somehow, some way, without any knowledge to him, El Lobo Loco’s named appeared on the ballots across each of the 50 states. And it just so happened that this election cycle, most of the usual voters were jaded to the point of extreme apathy. And while only a fraction of the size of his fan base in Mexico, apparently polls reported very high numbers of El Lobo Loco fans, shocked & yet overjoyed that their one time hero was actually on the ballot.

As polls were closing, Lobo was in the middle 0f a brutal no-holds barred match against his long time rival Dr. Dolor for his Undisputed World Title in Guadalajara. Suddenly, the phone rang, & the message was passed up the ranks & told to the referee & the ring announcers, who hastily stopped the match & declared El Lobo Loco the new president elect of the United States. The wrestler, having only known wrestling & only wrestling all his life, was in a state of shock.

His citizenship was viciously contested by the opposition & the press. Rigged ballots & international conspiracies came into question. But everything checked out & that following January 20th, before a record crowd gathered on the lawn of the National Mall in Washington, the hapless wrestler prepared to be sworn in. It was on that day that El Lobo Loco traded in his wolf mask for the stars & stripes. The decision was heartbreaking, but fully supported by his father (who would go on to resume the mantle of El Lobo Loco). From that day forward, the child that was born in that wrestling ring in Nogales, Arizona all those years ago would be known only as El Presidente Magnifico, America’s First Luchador President!

Still, many wonder how this could ever happen. Some say El Lobo Loco Sr. is secretly behind his son’s meteoric rise into the world of politics, & may have some ulterior motives in play. No one can be sure if his schemes are nefarious or not, but nothing’s been able to be proven.

Some thought his former in-ring demeanor meant an aggressive foreign policy, but it has so far been stern, but fair. It’s become customary for other foreign dignitaries to pose with him while attempting to flex, actually. Opinion polls among the public put him in very high regard. This may be on account of his micro-management approach, where he pounds the pavement, meets people & tries to solve each of their problems on a one to one basis. Some say it’s something that couldn’t be done. Presidente responds (in Spanish of course, his English is at present, still very weak) “Perhaps for a mere man. But I am a Luchador!” And while he may in fact hold the highest position in the land, very little is known about El Presidente’s true identity.

Category: Humor, Superhero

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  1. KingGolem says:

    Lucha Libre is awesome, and a Luchadore President is super awesome. But dude…that is a VICIOUS wall of text. I mean, great story and all, but if you want to get more comments, you got to trim it down a little. I sure would like some more comments…

    • Jared says:

      Thanks, man. I appreciate the concern. Wasn’t expecting anyone to read it, actually. It got insanely long. So I deeply appreciate it if you did.

      But I gotta say, I’m more into this whole thing for the challenge & enjoyment of it than the comments. I mean, feedback’s awesome, don’t get me wrong! But I don’t really wanna have a need for it to be the driving force behind me doing this. I had a lot of fun typing all that out, & since I enjoyed doing it, I don’t necessarily view it as time wasted. Besides, it was a good creative work out. And that’s what we’re all here for, right?

  2. Samar Ertsey says:

    Very true!
    My Character descriptions came out comparably long, and I don’t care much. I’m doing this to get my characters worked out.

    As for El Presidente Magnífico: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!
    This is SO brilliant! Very well thought of, touching, with an element of mystery….
    It’s perfect, man!
    Would you do me the honour to check for mistakes/inconsistencies within my “Marginal Men”? You’ll find them under that tag. I’d be so happy.

    And you, sir, are now on my personal watchlist!

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