#11 Bertram the Sentient Beef & Bean Burrito

| November 21, 2012 | 3 Comments

#11 Bertram the Sentient Beef & Bean Burrito

Bertram believes his own sentience began on the production floor of the Basura Burrito (a division of the Scrimm Group) Processing Plant one year ago. He believes he has partial memories of his time being wrapped, packaged, & flash frozen. But it wasn’t until he was distributed to Southern Indiana & placed in a Hyung (also a division of the Scrimm Group) Mk III Standard Residential Microwave unit & placed on high for 4 minutes & 30 seconds instead of the recommended 1 minute & 30 seconds, that he gained his powers.

Bertram is now the most powerful burrito on Earth. He can power & control most standard household appliances at a range of 20 yards, while also having the ability to speak telepathically with other frozen faux Mexican cuisine. He also possesses limited telekinesis, giving him the ability of flight & to shape a humanoid body out of the intense electromagnetic current he constantly bathes in. He communicates via the digital timer slot of his “microwave battle armor”, but only in four letter bursts, as that is the max number of characters the timer is built for.


This comes from me thinking about old timey superhero origin stories. They’re all either doses of radioactivity and/or exposure to chemicals. And if that were true, between the radiation of a microwave & the amount of preservatives pumped into its production, your standard hot pocket should by all accounts give you godlike powers, not diarrhea.

The jump to actually make the foodstuff sentient? I don’t know, really. I think I just wanted to draw something with a microwave for a head. It’s dumb, but I’m pretty happy with it for absolutely no good reason.

Category: 2012, Horror, Superhero, WTF

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  1. frodog28 says:

    This is awesome. You are a genius.

  2. treyjackson says:

    This is way greater than it has any right to be. I really dig the radiation body effect.

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