Author Archive: Bob Learned
My work can be found at www.oxymoronpress.com
Sydney was a dancer at the Bar Saloon… When her boss told her she would never amount to anything she quit on the spot and took up bounty hunting. Claf and Steve still rue the day that the bartender spoke those words… She teamed up with their rival “Man with an Axe” and take all of the guys jobs.
Snookie is the insane first cousin of the King. He was crowned Duke of the Outer Lands. This accomplished two things, one: keeping the lands surrounding the kingdom from other would-be-monarchs…and two getting Snookie as far away from the king as possible, while keeping him under some bit of control.
Duke Snookie settled quickly into Precarious Keep started barking orders. First he passed a ban on any and all Cheese products (he wants all the cheese for himself.) Then he made it illegal to sell Pez dispensers during the week (he would also love to own all the Pez dispensers in the kingdom.) And then he forbid fishing while sitting on a giraffe’s neck (He doesn’t own a giraffe.)
Claf and Steve seem to always get in the Duke’s way…and they kinda like it that way.
Steve grew up side by side with his adopted brother Claf… Steve is a robot, Claf is not, it was all the same to Steve. They adventure together fighting against Duke Snookie and the dark forces of the outer lands… Steve is more of a lover than a fighter, but can be quite resourceful when need be.
Claf and Steve in crazy action pose mode… One of the many tactics to throw their foes off their game.
The warlord Bragon Orrg has been broken out of Thaneston Penitentiary of Clagleg 7 by his former associate Blork Orihic.
Authorities advise to evacuate any planet where Orihic are seen immediately. Please stay vigilant…
is a known criminal mastermind wanted in over a dozen sectors in as many dimensions. Recently Orihic has broken into the Thaneston Penitentiary of Clagleg 7 to free his former associate Bragon Orrrg and the serial killer known as Fles the Devourer.
Status… Armed and dangerous approach with extreme caution.
Bill is an assistant mechanic at Sci-core Mechanical Innovations division. Bill is a super high functioning autistic boy that Sahl Sciatica, found being neglected in this village on Pandai. Sahl brought him back to Jubadorah, Bill thrived in the fast paced environment. Bill pictured here with his favorite Torque Screw…
*Important Note* Bill is not a Pandoran Felinoid, He is a Pandian Pandanoid… Please do not even bring that up to him at anytime… You have been warned.
Cassandra’s mother, Aki Shimizu, was a influential spirit medium that worked for some of the most shadiest characters in Japan. When Cassie’s mother died under strange circumstances Cassie went to live in a boarding school in England. Since her mother’s death she can feel her mother has not left this plane of existence, But she has anchored herself to Cassie and is trying to take control of her body. She can feel her mother summoning increasingly more spirits into her soul…packing it full.
In reaction Cassie doesn’t take care of herself and abuses her own body to retaliation.
But every night she can hear more voices, thousands at a time, gathering… They have taken to calling her “Nightclub” in disrespect and and they grow. She’s not sure how much longer she can last, But blaring Heavy Metal and Punk music as she sleeps seems to help.
Biffanutiauns Andropienaleanousle is a Jenousian Acoulian. Everyone knows of Jenousian’s love of Earth Culture… But Biff is so taken it a bit far, immigrating into a trailer park just outside Las Vegas, and seems to have blended in nicely. Biff likes to pomade his cilia, throw on his best flops and cutoffs and rock out to the king of rock and roll…Elvis!
Aphrodite is a galactic adventurer and supply runner. She would do anything for a friend and make sure what needs to be done gets done.
In her Space Cruiser, Othello, she travels the galaxy with danger in tow.
A monk went to commune with nature… he was confronted by a large bear that he decided to teach as a student. He taught the bear the ways of the universe, but he found that the bear was already enlightened in many ways. But the monk continued his teachings, and the bear his studies…
Ko is a sorcerer that accidentally brings demons to this world, he thinks he is conjuring them from his head. The problem is he has no idea how to send them back, and they are starting to build up… and by the way the Emperor does not like waiting, court magician.
Otr could change into an any form, and used to spend his days in the shape of an otter, greedily eating fish. Otr was slain accidentally by Loki. Hreidmar demanded a large weregild for Ótr’s death, namely to fill Otr’s skin with yellow gold, and to then cover it entirely with red gold. When the skin was covered, one whisker was still protruding, forcing Loki to give up the ring Andvarinaut to hide it. The ring had been stolen from, and cursed by, the fish-dwarf Andvari.
Aye, Walter here slopped muck as a cookie and shlagged as a skallywag on a couple o’ scows before he got shanghied int’ Cap’n Nat Barrowood’s crew. Walt was heir ‘d ne’r do well family but ga’e it all up t’ tra’el the world for neigh o’ a pence to the ole man o’de sea?
So I was trying to work on my 30characters and I got a sick. But I was looking through some older projects and ran across my “Space Marines” story that I was working on for an anthology. and I remembered a quick sketch of two comedic characters… A pair of brothers that kinda look like huge mice.
All I had was that they would launch the Space Marines away ships at the beginning of the story with a AC-DC style “Fiiiiiiiiiire.” And suddenly it was Veteran’s Day and a story came to me that I had to finish. #30characters be damned… Ha. So here is my #11 characters and a comic to accompany the characters.
Goody* Elizabeth Burtham was accused of Witchcraft after the crops her neighbors failed to grow. She had nothing to do with the natural occurrence. But she as a Witch consorted with the demons and spirits of the New World to protect her village and it’s inhabitants from harm.
For her good deeds she was drowned in North River after being poisoned, shot, stabbed, and burnt at the stake. NorthFields, Absolom’s hometown, lies just north of Salem, Mass.
(*Goody is short for good wife)
Tyr is a character I am going to introduce in my Sci-fi comic story… Can’t wait to show off some of these things off to you… Here is only a taste of bigger things to come.
Harold (Redacted, contact NSA/CSS for non-classified information.)
X3 is a data unit for the practical calculations and probabilities unit of the Dimensional Universal Properties Inc. Millions of years ago upper management set strict execution to the grand numbers. X3’s job is to make sure the universe and it’s franchise dimensions stays in accordance to said numbers.
But something has happened to unit X3, he is losing a battle with a virus that has manifested on the units chest drive. Beyond all probability that any DTA unit has ever died. As a data unit he was going to find a cure for his virus, if it kills him.
Alex is a very independent very headstrong girl . The problem is Alex was born into a family of sorcerers. Her father’s library is filled with the most sacred magic, the most guarded secret spells and crazy obscure potions in all of sorcery…
And she equipped with a three hole notebook filled with the ephemera copied and ready for her adventures.