Author Archive: kevinbyrne

rss feed

Author's Website


| November 15, 2011 | 0 Comments

The subject’s full classification is “Betrifft Vierundvierzig” – translated from the German, the classification reads “Subject Forty-Four.”

The staff here, however, just calls…it…’Ziggy.’

It – Ziggy – is the end result of the Grey’s forty-fourth attempt to create a human-alien hybrid.  It stands approximately eight feet tall and is approximately five feet wide.  These numbers are approximates solely because It reacts enthusiastically to the presence of humans, which in turn makes it difficult to obtain precise measurements.

The subject is also covered with a thick fur, unlike anything else seen before.  During drops in temperature, the individual strands of fur increase in density – this effect has also been observed when the subject is in the presence of airborne agents which can damage soft tissue.

The individual strands have also hollowed themselves out when temperatures increase, or when the subject is submerged – this apparently adds buoyancy to the subject, allowing it to float.

In regards to subject demeanor, it has been previously mentioned that the subject becomes enthusiastic around the presence of people, to the degree that a number of staff treat the subject more as a pet than an alien.  It must also be noted, however, that in the presence of The Grey, the demeanor undergoes a severe change, to such a degree as to be considered barbaric.

The level of violence observed in the presence of The Grey, towards The Grey is astounding, and causes one to believe that it harbors great hatred towards those that actually breeded it.

Furthermore, it must also be noted that-

not now

-more study is-

Ziggy I said not now down boy

-required in order to

alright, Ziggy, yes, its playtime now

#10: Morianel

| November 15, 2011 | 0 Comments

She’s from the future – the 23rd Century, to be precise.

She knows exactly how all of this will play out, and she’s prepared us all for this fight:  she’s brought the training, she’s brought the tools, she’s brought everything that the future can afford us.

And yet she always stays off to the side, just a little.  As if she knows something, and she’s afraid to tell us.

After all, she’s from the future.  She knows exactly how this will all play out.

#9: The Grey

| November 15, 2011 | 0 Comments

“The Greys…where do I begin with them?

“Okay, remember how at the end of World War Two, Werner von Braun got picked up by the Army, and used to develop our space program?”

“Umm – barely.”

“Yeah, I forgot – you sucked at history.

“Anyway, at the same time that happened, the US also picked up a group of German scientists who working on some private stuff for Hitler – occult stuff.

“They were brought back to the States, and Eisenhower gave them their own little base of operations to work out of.  They were pretty much ignored after that, until LBJ came looking for them – he wanted them to act as advisors on the Vietnam Crisis.

“By that time, things had pretty well changed at that base.  Those people had found some success at what they were working on, but it came at a price:  they had all started to change.  Their hair had started falling out, they were getting shorter, and thekir skin was starting to turn grey.

“Needless to say, Eisenhower took one look at them and ran.


You mean this story’s ending?”


“Finally, Nixon became President, took one look at them and declared them ‘outdated screwjobs.’  He had their funding compeltely yanked out from under them, and dismissed them from service.

“Once that happened, things actually found a way to go from bad to worse.”

Wait, ho–“

“By this time, they had decided that they’d had enough of dealing with Presidents, and tried to bring back Hitler.”

Okay, now you’re shitting me; how in the hel–“

“Annnnyway, they weren’t able to bring him back, but they did somehow actually managed to open a hole in space.


“What, no smart-ass comment or something?”

Nah, I figure at this point, I should just wait for you ti finish, and get it all out in one shot.”

“Well, the energy from that sort of pushed them along, and finished changing them into what they are now.”

And that is?”

“You know how people who claim that they’ve seen aliens, and that they all look the same?  That’s these guys – the scientists.  All the energy and everything shrank them a little, fused fingers together, fucked up their eyes and all.

“They were changed into those little grey creatures everyone keeps talking about.  That’s why we call them ‘The Grey’.

“Any questions?”


Did you come up with all of this on your own, or did everyone in the next room sort of help you put it all together?”

#8: Stone Man

| November 15, 2011 | 0 Comments

Phillip Line died ten years ago, and yet here he stands, encased in stone. 

His death was predicted and prepared for by his predecessor, who saw him in a dream.  The ancient magics and softened clays were readied to absorb what was left of him as died.  As the one who came before him hummed the incantation in a mouth that could not move, white lights flowed around, moving the soft tissues and fragments of bones into the cold embrance of rock and clay.

He is now a Golem.

Possessing his own memories, as well as that of his predecssors, he understands and quickly masters the magic that surrounds him, allowing him to adapt and survive in any circumstance.  Through technology, he is able to disguise both his massive stone frame and the weight that comes with it, allowing him to look as he once did and move somewhat freely through our world.

As a golem, he works with others, protecting this world from continued attacks by The Grey.  But he has suffered greatly, for lately, he has begun dreaming of a new Golem…

#7: Debbil

| November 7, 2011 | 0 Comments

Look, you know who I am, you know all the names I go by – The Devil, Satan, Lucifer, et cetera, et cetera, and so on and so forth.  Do I really need to credential myself any more than I that?

Anyway, I’m here to talk with you – all of you – for a little bit about evil, and a big misconception you talking, hairless monkeys have about it and me.

You see, not once did I ever actually introduce the concept of evil to you:  oh, no, you did that all to you yourself.  So you can stop pinning that one on me, right now.

No, if I’m to be guilty about anything – and let’s face it, I was thrown out of Heaven because of pride, so this is right in line with who I am – then I’m guilty of introducing you to something else. 

Freedom of choice.

Remember way, waaay back when, in the Garden of Eden?  I gave Eve the freedom to choose:  choose whether or not to eat the fruit from the Tree of Knowledge.  She made her choice and then gave Adam the same freedom to choose.

It’s been like this ever since then.  And, frankly, it’s been a lot of fun watching what you as a species can do with that freedom to choose.

So this whole concept of Evil?  Really, that was you – it was your choice not to do good.  I never said kill each other off or fuck things that in no way should ever be fucked.  You took the freedom that I so wonderfully gave you, and used in it ways I didn’t even comprehend.

And it was beautiful.

That was you.

So, now that you know the truth, there’s only one thing left to for you to do.



#6: Kenneth

| November 6, 2011 | 0 Comments

SEAMUS:  Okay, you sure you’re not gonna talk about that shite David, said – right?

SEAMUS:  ‘Cause if not, I’m out again.

SEAMUS:  So, Kenneth.  Ken’s a nice guy and all – for one of them Yanqui’s – but…


SEAMUS:  He’s sarcastic, and brooks no shite from anybody.  If he thinks someone’s full of it, he calls them on it, and he calls them loud and in front of everybody.

SEAMUS:  On the outside, he looks like a nice guy – a mate, y’know?  All clean-cut and everything.  But man, is he black on the inside.  It’s like coal.

PSYCHIATRIST:  Is that the sarcasm, or something else?

SEAMUS:  Oh, that’s the ‘something else’ all right.  That’s just – he called it something once, what the hell was it?

SEAMUS:  ‘Disappointment in the whole human race,’ I think.

SEAMUS:  The sarcasm thing can be downright brutal, when it’s focused on you.  When it’s not, it’s really fucking funny.

PSYCHIATRIST:  So, it sounds like it doesn’t have much of a good side, then?

SEAMUS:  Good side?!  (laughs)  Oh, that’s brilliant, there.


SEAMUS:  Mate, what I just told you about him is his good side!

SEAMUS:  Thank god he doesn’t drink anymore:  drinking brings out his dark side.  Everything I just told you about the sarcasm and the blackness and all; that’s nothing compared to when he’s got his drink on.  I’ve seen what he’s like then.

SEAMUS:  I hope I don’t see it again…

#5: Seamus

| November 6, 2011 | 0 Comments

DAVID:  Well, what can I say about Seamus?  I mean he’s shorter than me, he’s got less hair than I do–

SEAMUS:  –I’m sitting next to you, you know that, right Davey?

DAVID:  Yeah, I know, but when am I going to have the chance to do this, y’know?

DAVID:  Annnnnyway–

SEAMUS:  sigh…

DAVID:  –he’s sort of like a bald Irish troll.  Oh, and he’s shite with women.


DAVID:  No, really – he is.  Like right now, just the three of us guys, he’s fine.  But the moment a woman walks into this scene, he shuts up and doesn’t look anywhere but at the gods-damned ground.  Doesn’t look up again until the girl’s gone, and then he’s back to his old self again.  He’s been like that for years!

SEAMUS:  I have not.

DAVID:  Years.

DAVID:  I mean, someone’s damaged the boy here, and done a right proper job of it, too.

SEAMUS:  That’s it, I’m done.

DAVID:  Seamus, wait, mate!  Don’t go!  I haven’t even talked about your good points yet!

DAVID:  ’cause there’s so many of them…

DAVID:  Y’know, I don’t think he’s gonna come back soon.

DAVID:  You can probably add that he’s sensitive to that list, too.

DAVID:  Just a thought.

#4: David

| November 4, 2011 | 0 Comments

KENNETH:  What is there to tell you?  He’s tall, he’s almost completely clueless, he doesn’t have a care in the world, and he’s one of the nicest guys you’ll ever meet.

KENNETH:  And that there is the problem.


KENNETH:  Yeah, his fatal flaw.  He’s too damn nice, which makes it easier for people to take advantage of him.  Too easy, if I’m honest about it. 


KENNETH:  Oh, yeah; he’s too gullible for his own good.  He thinks I don’t notice when he starts a tab for some of the old folks that come in here, and then covers the tab out of his own pocket.  But I do.

PSYCHIATRIST:  Interesting.  Can you give me another example?

KENNETH:  How many are you looking for?  Because I’ve got a shedload of stories like that.  Like teh other night, for instance; this woman shows up and–

KENNETH:  Hang on, here he comes.  Gonna have to stow that one away for another time.

DAVID:  Hello, chaps! 

KENNETH:  Davey-boy!  How are you doing?

DAVID:  Brilliant!  First I went ’round to the shops and–

KENNETH:  David–

DAVID:  –and they didn’t have it in plaid, so I asked–

KENNETH:  –David–

DAVID:  –and can you believe it that they had the nerve to tell me that–


DAVID:  Yeah, Kenny?

KENNETH:  Focus, buddy.

DAVID:  Oh – okay.

KENNETH:  Davey, I’d like you to meet Dr.  Mattersby.  He’d like to speak with you for a little bit.

DAVEY:  Oh, hi!

KENNETH:  Well, I’m going back behind the bar.  Call me if you need anything.

DAVEY:  Bye, Kenny!


DAVEY:  Is he gone?

PSYCHIATRIST:  He’s back behind the bar, if that’s what you mean.

DAVID;  Brilliant!

DAVID:  See he thinks that I’m not all there.

PSYCHIATRIST:  You don’t say.

DAVID:  Well, between you and me, that’s all a bit of a lark on him.


DAVID:  Course it is!

DAVID:  I mean, I’m nice and all, no hiding that, but I’m not a daft as he thinks I am.

DAVID:  After all, look around.

DAVID:  Go on – look!

PSYCHIATRIST:  What am I supposed to be looking at?  Besides the crowd at the bar.

DAVID:  You, me – sitting here, enjoying pints.  While he’s over there, working like a dog.


DAVID:  So?  So, he says – so?

DAVID:  Sooooooooooo – it’s supposed to be my shift at the bar right now.

DAVID:  How’s that for smart, eh?

#3: The Recorder

| November 3, 2011 | 0 Comments

We live to serve.

We live to watch.

We live to record the facts.  Facts cannot be changed.  Facts cannot be obscured.  Facts are black.  Facts are white.

Humans can change as they see fit.  Humans can change to make themselves what they are not.  Humans are not black.  Humans are not white.  Humans are grey.

We live to record the facts.  Humans think that we live to serve them.  We live to serve the facts.

We serve the facts.  We serve the truth.  We watch.  We record.  We are watching you.

#2: Dahlia

| November 2, 2011 | 0 Comments

“AUDIO CASE FILE:  11-1126

Philip Chandler, Chandler and Lo Pan Investigations

SUBJECT:  ‘Dahlia’

‘Dahlia’ is a woman in her late twenties.  She is tall - maybe 5’9”? – with jet black hair down to her shoulders.  She’s well-dressed and, from what I cna see so far, chooses designers and outfits that enhance her figure.

‘Dahlia’ has just recently approached this office to help her recover her memories – she claims that she has severe amnesia, and cannot remember anything about her past.  This includes her full name, her age, where she lives. 

Note  regarding the earlier statement about hair color:  is looks a little too close to true black.  There are no signs of varying shades, which indicates that either her hair has been dyed, or it’s not real.  In either case, finding out the source of this could help in learning more about her true identity.

The earliest memory she has is from four days ago, when she woke up in a hotel suite.  From her description, it sounds as if she was in the Sands, which means she either has money, or she knows – or, frankly, knew – people who do.

She was also able to pay the standard retainer, up-front, in cash.  To date, she has no recollection of how or why she was carrying ten thousand dollars on her.

I have no idea what I can find out, since the thumbprint I took off of her drinking glass after she left didn’t ping any databases.  Everybody’s in at least one database, so who the hell is she?

The good news – for now – is that she came to the office while Xiu-Xiu was out; with her looks and all, he’d have been tripping all over his god-damned self.  Better keep this case close to the vest for now, and not let the two of them meet.  I don’t know what I’d be more afraid of if that happens – Xiu-Xiu spraining his tongue, or Xiu-Xiu embarrassing this whole office.


#1: Xiu-Xiu Lo Pan

| November 1, 2011 | 0 Comments

Xiu-Xiu (pronounced “Choo-Choo”) Lo Pan is a Chinese-American private detective in an alternative Las Vegas that looks more Blade Runner than Sin City.  Taking his styling cues from Dean Martin, Xiu-Xiu is usually seen with his thin tie, french-cuffed shirt, black suit with a shawl-collared jacket, pompadoured hair and an eternal cigarette hanging from the corner of his mouth.  Everything about him – his look, his attitude, his manner of speaking – seems to have evolved from the Rat Pack era.

Currently, Xiu-Xiu is trying to solve the murder of his business partner, while simultaneously trying to close the case his partner took on just before he died:  help a woman named Dahlia remember who she is and how she lost her memory.

As he works to find the answers to both cases, he finds himself stymied in each direction by a man with no eyes, a robot slavery ring, and corrupt police – and realizes that they may all be connected.

2011 Challenger: Kevin Byrne

| November 1, 2011 | 0 Comments

Evening, all!

My name’s Kevin Byrne, and this is my first year doing 30 Characters.

I’m a comic book writer, with several short comics published in various small press books.  Currently, I’m a member of Andy Schmidt’s Comics Experience, and I’m working on several comics and graphic novels for self-publication in late 2011/mid-2012.

Some of what I’ll be posting here will be text-only, while others will be text and image.  I’m looking forward to see what everyone else creates, and hope everyone enjoys what I’ll post here!