Author Archive: Patrick Smith

Patrick Smith sends out dispatches from the apocalyptic wasteland of New Jersey. He has survived this long thanks to a steady diet of comic books, genre movies, and a stack of stand up comedy albums. He is a regular contributor to Guerrilla Geek and you can follow him on Twitter @Pathasabeard if you like reading regurgitated movie quotes and the occasional snarky comment.

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#5 – Rodrigo Tesla

| November 5, 2011 | 0 Comments

[The following was taken from reports to Interpol Director Francis Croke on the suspected personal of a international organization known as A.B.R.A.C.A.D.A.B.R.A. Whether A.B.R.A.C.A.D.A.B.R.A is a vigilante group, freedom fighters or terrorists is still being investigated]

Name: Rodrigo Martinez

Alias: el motor del la plata, Rodrigo Tesla

Age: 32

Height: 6’1

Current weight: 210

Hair: Bald

Eyes: Brown

Group Affiliations: World Lucha League, Order of the Dynamo, A.B.R.A.C.A.D.A.B.R.A

Distinguishing skills/features: 

History: Rodrigo Martinez was born in Mexico City into a family of Luchadores. Rodrigo was trained at an early age to take part in the family business but also showed an uncanny nack for machines, especially automobiles. It was for the reason along with a fierce persverance to never stop anything untill its finished that upon his eighteenth birthday he was given a silver mask and began his career as  el motor del la plata(The Silver Engine). He bacame popular over a short period of time and was even set to become the youngest Lucha League Champion in history but during his match he was unmasked and kicked out of the league.

After that Rodrigo had an existential crisis of both faith and ability, and was shunned by his family for being the only luchadore in generations to be unmasked. After that Rodrigo took to the road trying to find a new purpose in life. Eventually he made his way to Shoreham, Long Island where he stumbled upon the secret temple of the Order of the Dynamo.

The Order of the Dynamo, is a secret order of monks who base their order on the tenants of shaolin and forever striving technological advancement of their founder Nikola Tesla.  Apparently Tesla felt that he had reached the peak of his technological acumen so he then turned to perfecting the ultimate human machine. He studied Buddhism and shaolin and eventually pioneered a form of martial arts that made the human body a living engine capable of incredible feats, not the least of which was shooting lightning out of your hands. Eventually Tesla’s teachings were passed on and the Order of the Dynamo carried on in secret both bettering themselves and advancing technology by leaps and bounds.

Rodrigo eventually proved himself worthy and joined the order finding kindred spirits with his brothers, all of which were given the surname of Tesla upon their joining.

Present Day: Its believed that Rodrigo stayed at the temple for ten years until he left suddenly, the reasons for which are still unknown, and seems to have joined up with A.B.R.A.C.A.D.A.B.R.A almost immediately and eventually surfacing as BT Barnums Driver and Bodyguard

Psych Evaluation: Rodrigo is by far the most well rounded of the agents we have encountered so far but given his past experiences its fair to say that rodrigo is pushed by a fear of failure. Having experienced one blow early on it nearly destroyed him and has no interest in going through it again. Thats why he pushes himself so hard and protect his team mates since anything else would be absolute failure in his mind. 

#4 – Harry Alias

| November 4, 2011 | 0 Comments

[The following was taken from reports to Interpol Director Francis Croke on the suspected personal of a international organization known as A.B.R.A.C.A.D.A.B.R.A. Whether A.B.R.A.C.A.D.A.B.R.A is a vigilante group, freedom fighters or terrorists is still being investigated]

Name: Harry Vorak

Alias: Harry Preston, Harry Trent, Harry Cale, Harry Gibbons, Harry Cain, Harry Smith, Harry Kent, Harry Gregg, Harry Clark, Harry Allen, Harry Jordon, Harry Rayner, Harry West, Harry Horn, Harry Jackson, ect

Age: 31

Height: 6’0

Current weight:140

Hair: Black

Eyes: Green

Group Affiliations: A.B.R.A.C.A.D.A.B.R.A

Distinguishing skills/features: There are reports that harry uses two single shot pistols that he keeps spring loaded up his sleeves. There are also reports that he keeps a collapsable sword somewhere on his person at all times. He is an expert illusionist and escape artists that he used to great effect during his days as a thief.

History: Harry Vorak was born in Las Vegas, Nevada to a show girl mother and although his father is unknown we have reason to believe that he was a notable stage magician that paid off Harry’s mother to avoid a scandal. His mother used this money to ensure that Harry could attend prestigous private schools where Harry excelled at academics at an early age, and became renowned competitor in fencing. However as he got older he exhibited certain rebellious tendency such as gambling, drinking and perhaps the worst (at least in his mothers eyes) he began practicing practical magic to the point where he was being paid to play small parties at the age of sixteen. By the time he graduated  he was offered a prestigious apprenticeship under master magician Trevor Faust, a disciple of Houdini.

Its at this point Harrys life started getting complicated, although he was learning by leaps and bounds under Faust his relationship with his mother deteriorated due to her belief he was throwing his life away. After this Harry threw himself into his work, becoming a master escape artist and close up magician within three years. This was also around the time he became a barely functioning alcoholic until the night Faust died in an attempted escape due to Harry’s own carelessness. He quit drinking that night.

After this Harry started touring on his own, but in all of the places he performed a theft of notable valuables was always reported. Eventually was caught stealing from a museum that hired him for a charity dinner. He evaded the authority’s and began his traveling again under assumed aliases, Only keeping a name long enough to finish a job.

It is not believed that Harry keeps any of the money from his thefts, just his stage performances, as it appears whatever money he got from selling stolen valuables was given to take care of his mothers hospice bills. His Mother does not seem to know her son is paying for these fees, only told its being handled by a wealthy benefactor.

Present Day: Its believed that harry was recruited into A.B.R.A.C.A.D.A.B.R.A around the time BT Barnum was which both explains why all warrants for Harrys crimes were resended (it has been proven that  A.B.R.A.C.A.D.A.B.R.A has tremendous reach in most governments) and how he began working as BT Barnums assistant.

Psych Evaluation: Like most magicians Harry has issues with telling the truth  which frequently denies him the ability to have truthful long lasting relationships. And although his outer exterior may be flippant and nonchalant he is haunted by the fact he is responsible for the death of his mentor and the declining health of his mother. More than any other agent of A.B.R.A.C.A.D.A.B.R.A we have encountered Harry seems to have the most drive to better himself or risk being devored by his own inner demons.

#3 – BT Barnum

| November 3, 2011 | 0 Comments

[The following was taken from reports to Interpol Director Francis Croke on the suspected personal of a international organization known as A.B.R.A.C.A.D.A.B.R.A. Whether A.B.R.A.C.A.D.A.B.R.A is a vigilante group, freedom fighters or terrorists is still being investigated]

Name: Betsy Traci Barnum

Alias: BT Barnum

Age: 29

Height: 5’9

Current weight:125

Hair: Red

Eyes: Green

Group Affiliations: A.B.R.A.C.A.D.A.B.R.A, Barnum Circus

Distinguishing skills/features: Expert in several fields of circus performing which helps her immensely in the field. Although she doesn’t have any formal combat training she uses her accumulated physical knowledge to be a fierce unpredictable combatant. When not in disguise she has a tendency to wear a ringleader jacket and top hat.

History: Born Betsy Traci Barnum, BT Barnum is the last living member of the Barnum Line and the majority shareholder of Barnum Circus the worlds largest and most well traveled Circus originally founded by her great great grandfather PT Barnum.

BT was orphaned at the age of nine when her parents were killed in a car wreck, and upon the examination of their joint will it was revealed that the majority shares would go to Betsy at the age of eighteen but in the meantime she would live with her fathers best friend and godfather Sergei Volcatov, a former Russian circus clown and current ring leader of Barnum Circus.

Volcatov proved a positive influence on BT and the rest of the performers became her surrogate family. In the intervening years she worked(and mastered) nearly every aspect of circus performing: juggling, animal training, tight rope walking, trapeze artistry, and even being a clown. But the part she excelled at was working as  a barker as she displayed a gift for drawing people in and getting them to believe anything she said, a skill she would use to great effect later on.

Upon her eighteenth birthday BT was prepared to accept her majority shares of the circus, however when she went to the circus corporate headquarters she was informed by the board of directors she would be receiving nothing. Apparently they had  exploited a legal loophole that completely cut BT out. Details are sketchy of this meeting but apparently after BT received some rather sexist comments from the board members BT calmly stood up looked around the room and proclaimed “In one years time I will be the only one left working here” and left.

Within a year the entire board of directors were either locked up, homeless, are attacked by rabid ferrets.

Its believed that during the year long “revenge world tour” BT was recruited by A.B.R.A.C.A.D.A.B.R.A, an organization her great great grandfather helped create.  

Present Day: After reclaiming ownership over the circus BT left Volcatov in charge while she began her new life as a jet setting heiress accompanied by her assistant Harry and Driver Rodrigo. However we believe that this is just a cover for her real job as an agent of A.B.R.A.C.A.D.A.B.R.A. She has been sighted, if not implicitly linked, near several dozen scenes of mass devastation. Whether she was the cause of this destruction or kept it from getting worse has yet to be uncovered. 

Psych Evaluation: BT Barnum has shown signs of survivors guilt most likely associated with the death of her parents, However she uses this guilt to fuel her endless desire to better herself which is why she is able to master multiple disciplines in relatively short amounts of time. This guilt does not seem to ruin her disposition however as she has been reported to be incredibly charismatic which she uses to great effect in business dealings. However she has also exhibited a sadistic streak when crossed, for this reason no allegations should be lobbied against her or at best we risk a a lawsuit. at worst we everyone investigating her will be ruined. 

#2 – Regulator 97

| November 2, 2011 | 0 Comments

[The following interview took place the New York City Regulators Office, the interview was conducted between Internal Affairs Officer Jackson and Regulator 97 three days after the events of  at the Continental Hotel.]

Officer Jackson: This is Officer Jackson of  New York Internal Affairs. The date is [expunged] at 2:36 pm. I am sitting with Regulator 97, could you please state your badge code for the record?

Regulator 97: You Know I have an actual name right?

OJ: Not important to these proceedings, badge number please.

R97: alright, Regulator badge number 97-2034-55. Classification KIRBY.

OJ: Thank you, please state for the record the dutys of the regulators.

R97: the regulators act as equal parts law enforcement and parole officers that deal with Alpha level threats and above.

OJ: and an Alpha level threat or above is?

R97: Do i really need to spell this all out? Its not like people dont already know this.

OJ: Its for the record

R97: Fine , and Threat Levels go from Alpha, Bravo, Echo, Delta, and Omega. Each one corresponds with a power levels of super powered individuals. A regulators job is to evaluate, apprehend, and in some cases assimilate them back into the world.

OJ: And would a regulator be able to apprehend people like this without incident?

R97: Well I wouldn’t say its ever without incident, regulators have the highest mortality rate of any law enforcement agency.

OJ: But your confrontations are not one sided are they?

R97: No, every regulator was either born with powers or given them once they enlist.

OJ: And which were you?

R97: I was born with it.

OJ: And what is your ability.

R97: Basically I’m a living battery of Cosmic energy. Which is why I’m a Kirby Classification.

OJ: Right the classifications were taken from old comic books correct?

R97: Yes that’s right

OJ: Well isn’t that….delightful. You need assistance to access your abilitys correct?

R97: Yes, I use a pair of gauntlets to access the energy that I store to dispense it externally.

OJ: And who gave you these gauntlets?

R97: They were provided to me by the Regulators office.

OJ Alright, next why don’t you tell me about the incident at the Continental Hotel.

R97: Where should I start?

OJ: Right before the incident should suffice.

R97: Alright My partner and I –

OJ: Regulator 176?

R97: Right.

OJ: And where is he now?

R97:….He died during this incident

OJ: Thank You, please continue.

R97: We were responding to an emergency call from the Continental, apparently management had been having disturbances from one of the guests, guy barely left his room and when he did he came back with people but they never left. And there was reportedly a stench. So Marcus and I –

OJ: Who?

R97: sorry, 176 and I went in to try to find out what the situation was.

OJ: How did this fall into your jurisdiction?

R97: There was a recent parolee from Hells Gate that hadnt checked in and was reported to live in the area. We thought it was him.

OJ: Was it?

R97: You know it wasnt.

OJ: Correct, just a matter of-

R97: -Record, right. Anyway we go up thinking it was him, we get to the door and 176 knocks and clearly says we’re from the Regulator office. No answer. Now I have my gauntlets but 176 just had your basic augmentation package, strength and the like. So he goes for the doorknob and finds it unlocked so we start going in. that’s when a hand comes through the crack in the doorway and grabs 176’s head. It couldn’t have been more than five seconds but that’s all it took to turn my partner into dust. as this was going on I was setting my gauntlets on their “basher” mode and hit the door, splintering it and connecting with whatever was on the other side. I come through and thats when I saw who the perp was.

OJ: And who was it?

R97: Franklin Deeder. Guys practically on the top of every law enforcement wanted list out there, everything from homicide to terrorism. Sort of a jack of all scumbags.

OJ: and you….had a prior confrontation with Deeder?

R97: Yes.

OJ: How?

R97: He killed my wife.

OJ: Says here he was suspected of killing your wife?

R97: No he did it….I watched him do it….he made me watch.

OJ: And he was never caught?

R97: No, one guy got close, some private eye named Vulcan who was after him for some unrelated incident. The worst bit was that he was locked up for some petty crime and the Regulators wanted to keep him locked up because they believed he was responsible for worse crimes. They were right of course

OJ: And that was the incident that made you join the regulators?

R97: Yes

OJ: what happened when you realized it was him.

R97: I……I kind of just saw red and just went at him at full force, which given my power set was dangerous

OJ: You didn’t try to simply subdue him? Or call in back up?

R97: What? No that didn’t occur to me! I was facing down the guy who killed my wife…I….I want thinking at all.

OJ: And that’s when you killed him.

R97: Yes….I honestly didn’t intend to, nothing would have made me happier to see him go to trial, he had killed 176 right in front of me. Thats multiple life sentences at least.

OJ: But you still killed him?

R97: My ability’s are very much tied to emotion. Even if my gauntlets are on their lowest setting if I get angry enough I can emit enough energy to destroy whatevers in front of me ten times over.

OJ: and is it fair to assume in this instance you were angrier than you had ever been?

R97: Yes….heh, Regulator Smash and all that.

OJ: This isnt a laughing matter Regulator!

R97: I know its not but you have to admit this is a fucking sham!

OJ: What do you mean?

R97: Deeder was a monster, my partner was the last one he killed but before that he had killed hundred of men, even more women…..and more kids than I would like to count.

OJ: And your wife.

R97: And my wife……so I don’t understand why I’m basically being crucified for killing a man anyone else would be happy to do!

OJ:….Despite what you might think regulator this isnt about the death of Reeder, honestly we could care less.

R97: Then whats this about?

OJ: When you killed Reeder, You emitted so much energy various destruction was reported from at least twenty miles around. Most of that damage is simply cosmetic and easily repaired but the five surrounding blocks around the Continental are in shambles, no one was seriously hurt except Reeder but whole buildings are now uninhabitable. What this is supposed to discern is whether or not this could ever happen and on a larger scale. Do you think this is a possibility?

R97:….No, I dont.

OJ: Really? Why is that?

R97: This only happened because I faced with the one person that could push me right over the edge. The only man that could make me feel that much anger and hatred. With Deeders death I got rid of the last emotional connection to my life before I became a Regulator. I sincerely doubt anything could put me over the top like that ever again.

[The Interview was concluded soon after this. Regulator 97 was put back on to active duty two weeks later]

[Authors Note: The Regulators were actually minor characters in a series of short storys I did in college about a super powered private eye named Frank Vulcan, in those story’s they were less characters as they were an ever present forces of nature. So I really wanted to focus one specific member of this organization, just to figure out what a regulators motivations might be. Think I nailed it.]


#1 – Burglar

| November 1, 2011 | 0 Comments

If I’m ever caught people are going to ask “Now why would he do that?”

Its a fair question I suppose. I was born into a relatively wealthy family, went to private school and got into an ivy league college. And when I got out I had multiple job offerings waiting for me.

So it would be a fair question to wonder that despite all of those advantages why do I spend my evenings breaking into peoples houses and stealing their shit?

Another question worth asking, although far more esoteric, would be why am I thinking about this right as I’m trying to put enough force into my crowbar to break open this side door but also be quite enough that I don’t wake the neighbors? That question is simpler to answer than the first as I always get reflective at the beginning of a job and just how utterly ridiculous what I’m doing really is.

I get into the house easily enough, I’ve done this enough times where it’s almost second nature and I close the door quietly behind me and look around to get a good look at my surroundings. Nice big house, early twentieth century brownstone. gives off an air of reagalness the tacky interior doesn’t deserve. I step into the living room, seeing nearly every gaudy gadget you could imagine. Jackpot.

I start grabbing things, not really caring what I put into my black gym bag. I notice something over the fireplace, something shiny. It’s a sterling silver picture frame of the banker and his family, beach blonde wife and two little kids. I briefly think about what my intrusion might do to the peace of mind of the kids but then I look around the room again. They’ll be fine, daddy will just throw an x-box at them and all will be forgotten.

I try to get the picture out of the frame (leaving the picture is less a favor to the family as it is to my fence so he doesn’t leave anything the cops could find to lead back to the family) but my gloves leave little wiggle room to get the latches off, so I put it down and decide to make my way upstairs. Electronics are all well and good but just as they did hundreds of years ago gold silver and jewels are the biggest payoffs and the easiest stuff to sell.

As I go up the stairs my minds wanders back to my mini-existential “crisis” from the beginning of doing what I do. The easiest answer would be  that I’m good at it. really really good at it. This isn’t to say I wasn’t good at other things before this because I was, but looking back all of those things I was good at were just preparing me for doing this. Thats the easiest answer but it isn’t true either. Maybe it was the way I was raised, being handed things on a silver platter? Maybe I’m just naturally attracted to taking what I want? Maybe I’m just a sociopath who believes that laws don’t apply to him?

No, no and no. Care to take another go at it?

Upstairs I find the wife’s jewelery box easily enough, and a silver Rolex. I throw them all into my gym bag and think to myself that I should get out while the gettings good. The first thing you learn in situations like this is never to overstay your welcome….mostly because you were never welcomed in the first place.

I walk down the stairs, my gym bag sagging heavily on my shoulder, as I reach the landing I take one last look around making sure I had gotten anything that was of value and portable enough for me to carry inconspicuously. Picked clean. good.

As I go through the door I came through, looking around just to be sure nobody else is around, I start walking towards my car which I parked a few streets over and my mind starts to wander back to the question from the beginning of the night: “Now why would he do that?”. And I have answers ready to go even if they’re lies, but whats the real one?

Its this: In my mind I’m doing a public service. really, think about it most people go they’re entire lives absolutely complacent in their place in this tiny blue orb. complacency is boring, you have to be shaken up, gotta change your perception of how things work every once in awhile. The system is flawed because I’m about to get away with all your stuff. You don’t like it, why don’t you try to change it so guys like me cant even function, world peace and all that. get on it.

or maybe I’m just a sociopath…I dunno.

[Authors Note: I though I would start simple with a simple archetype and try to get in their head a little bit. Also this sort of comes from a joke I used to tell people of what I was gonna after I graduated school (although other than going to college me and this guy got nothing in common.]

2011 Challenger: Patrick Smith

| October 28, 2011 | 0 Comments

Greetings from the apocalyptic wasteland of New Jersey! My name is Patrick Smith and this is my first year tackling the 30 Character Challenge. I’m coming at this as a writer so I’m really going to try and come at each character in interesting ways to make your reading experience more enjoyable. Although if the mood takes me I might bust out the old sketchbook. Pray that doesn’t happen…trust me.

I am a staff writer over at Guerrilla Geek and I hope that working on characters here will be the push I need to get back into creative writing.  I’m also on the twitter @Pathasabeard where I write regurgitated movie Quotes and the occasional snarky comment.

I’m very much looking forward to pushing myself creatively and seeing what everyone else brings to the table. I hope that at the end of this to make some cool new friends and maybe some future collaborators!