Tag: dark humor

#17 Dr. Mina Artimedes

| November 17, 2010 | 1 Comment

I’m going to preface Dr. Artimedes’ design by saying that the most useless character in the main cast of Star Trek TNG was Counselor Troi.  For the majority of episodes, she would just sit there in the beginning, the bad guy would spout some garble over the bridge screen and she would respond with “I sense uncertainty.”  And that was pretty much her function.  She would just go around and “sense” uncertainty, or deception or fear (stuff most aliens feel when dealing with one another ANYWAY) and report as such to the Captain.  Why couldn’t Enterprise not afford a REAL TELEPATH in their ranks, which would’ve been far more useful than just sensing people’s feelings?  Even Wesley Crusher, God damn his miserable being to the anus of Borg space, got more shit done more than Troi.

But I digress.

For Valkyrie Squadron, I wanted to design a counselor who was also useless, but in a more dangerous way.  Now, your question would be “why would Valhalla station, for all its power and might, hire a useless counselor?” but the answer is simple:  They have to settle for what they can get.  For an engineer or scientist, Valhalla is a badge of honor and to work there can be a huge boost to one’s career.  Not so with psychiatrists.  In this future, very few psychiatrists want to give up their cushy lives wherever they are to counsel a bunch of folks gone murderously space mad or with PTSD.  So, whenever Valhalla station does find someone willing to take the gig, they are eternally grateful.

And Dr. Artimedes knows this.

How DOES that make you feel?

Dr. Artimedes is not someone you go to if you want any actual counseling done in your life.  Her MO is to listen for key words in conversation, like “sad” or “anxious,” and prescribe medications accordingly.  That’s it.  She’s basically a drug dealer with a couch.  It’s not entirely clear why Artimedes takes such a simplistic approach to her treatment.  Is she lazy?  Is she a total cynic about her profession?  Is she secretly trying to drug up all of Valhalla to take it over?  Nobody knows for sure, but very few people question her methods.  After all, she’s a pretty good source to score some Xanax, so why screw up a good thing?

Why, indeed.