Tag: gorilla

Day 23 Einstein Burroughs

| November 30, 2011 | 0 Comments

Ordinary Spider-monkey turned genius via an IQ boosting helmet. Having been irresponsibly experimented on by humans, Einstein builds an army of Monkey-bots to liberate his kind.

Day 20 Mighty Joe

| November 28, 2011 | 0 Comments

Super intelligent monkey Einstein Burroughs’ greatest creation. The engine of destruction that is ‘Mighty Joe’

#8Attenborough, the *80’s gorilla bouncer

| November 9, 2011 | 0 Comments

No Trainers!

Along with Dr Shamalan, Attenborough, head of security at CERN was fused with primate DNA (in this case a gorilla) and sent back to the 80’s.

Attenborough claims his glory years where in the 80’s and thus feels like he’s returned home. Adopting the mullet and a style befitting Miami Vice characters, Attenborough now works as a bounce at a night club.

He enjoys sandwhiches and partying. Oh how he loves the partying.

When not enjoying parties and cocaine Attenborough can be standoffish and beligerent.

Also the name is a coincidence.

#3 Attila Gorilla

| November 3, 2011 | 1 Comment

Attila Gorilla is a science experiment gone wrong.Created by the misguided,but technically good, scientist Hi-Q he has all the fighting skills and strategic abilities of History’s greatest conquerors.His efforts to bring the world under his control are only stopped by Max Action.

#1 Gorillanaut

| November 1, 2011 | 8 Comments

Gorillanaut Champion of the Cosmos!

This is the story of the first Gorilla launched into outer space in the American space program.

He was born on June 17th, 1956  in  Uganda’s Bwindi Impenetrable National Park. He was captured by animal trappers and sent to a sideshow in Coney Island New York.  Three years later he was purchased by the United States Air Force and brought to the   Holloman Air Force Base Aeronautical Research Facility or H.A.F.B.A.R.F  in Alamogordo, New Mexico.

Researchers started with a group of 29 chimps and 1 Gorilla as primate flight candidates at H.A.F.B.A.R.F After a series of intensive tests the gorilla beat out the chimps and began training for his space mission.

Beginning in July 1959, the three-year-old Gorilla was trained at  H.A.F.B.A.R.F to do  timed tasks in response to electric lights. In his pre-flight training, Gorillanaut was taught to push a button within two seconds of seeing a flashing red light; failure to do so would result in  punishment in the form of a mild electric shock to his testicles. A correct response earned him a chocolate covered frozen banana from a hi-tech dispenser.

On January 31, 1961, Gorillanaut secured a position in Project Mercury Mission X-2 and was launched from Cape Canaveral, Florida on a  flight beyond the Van Ellen Belt to test radiation levels. The capsule was bombarded with massive doses of gamma rays and suffered a partial loss of the life support system and a fried  communication panel during the flight. Luckily Gorillanaut’s space suit prevented him from suffering any harm.

The gamma rays broke the banana dispenser causing the entire stock of now gamma radiated frozen bananas to fall out.  Sadly, Gorillanaut was so busy gobbling up six cases of bananas that he didn’t  notice the flashing red light and missed his cue to push the control button.  The space capsule bounced off the Earth’s atmosphere upon attempting re-entry and was hurled off into space.

Gorillanaut passed out after gorging himself with bananas. The damaged life support system put him into a state of suspended animation and for the next 50 years he drifted through deep space until his capsule finally orbited back to Earth in 2011 and crashed into the Kardashian’s house killing everyone inside.

As a result of eating gamma radiated frozen bananas Gorillanaut woke up with super intelligence and the ability to speak. He was hailed a hero and has since returned to adventuring in space as….

Gorillanaut Champion of the Cosmos!