Tag: Humor

Day 5 Giant Nerd

| November 6, 2011 | 0 Comments

Day 4&5 Uncle V and the Ninja Chicken

| November 6, 2011 | 0 Comments

So we celebrated my father-in-law’s birthday last night. We were all sitting around the fire pit outside when my brother-in-law Victor asked my 6 year old son if he knew any jokes. After thinking a second my son said:
“Why did the chicken cross the road?”
Father-in-law- “Idunno, why?”
“To get Uncle Victor!!!”
Uncle Victor-“Oh Yeah?! Well I would eat that chicken!”
My son-“Nuh uhh!! It’s a ninja chicken!”

So this is my artistic interpretation of Uncle V vs. The Ninja Chicken. Let the martial arts combat begin.

#5 The Bulk

| November 5, 2011 | 0 Comments

Here’s my new character for today. She is another one for a story I will begin paneling out after this challenge. I hope the parody and “wink” are obvious. This character is called the Bulk.

You won’t like her when she’s hungry.

When most girls tried to lose a little weight, Marley Moore was trying her best to gain as much as she could. Her high speed metabolism was considered much more of a curse than a blessing and it was officially defined as a medical condition. Constantly eating and ever ravenous, Marley nearly ate her parents into bankruptcy. That was when they turned to a Russian scientist who was interested in her case and offered free services as an exchange for using her in her own experiments. The doctor’s hypothesis stated that Marley’s metabolism would regulate if she were able to consume enough sugars in her bloodstream through intravenous methods. Frustrated by mixed results and the ever-pressing complaints from Marley who had grown tired from months of experiments, the doctor took matters into her own hands. Mixing purified proteins and arterial dilators into the sugar enriched compound proved to be a deadly decision. Thrashing about the experiment table, Marley’s body distorted and deformed and the proteins raced through her muscles. Every artery and vein flowed blood at accelerated rates as they dilated. Blood rushing through the enlarged arteries shown through her skin, giving it a blue tint. The enhanced proteins caused her muscles to bulge and gave them strength to withstand the onslaught to her system. Bones grew rapidly, shooting pain throughout poor Marley’s system. Screaming from agony, Marley grew to ten times her original size and weight in a matter of minutes. Braces snapped and restraints ripped away. A giant bulk of a monster rose in rage and sought something large to eat! The poor doctor tried to run when suddenly the Bulk snatched her from her feet and ate her whole. The large meal caused a sudden reaction that stabilized Marley’s system.  The Bulk spun about dizzily. Sweat and water poured from her skin leaving large puddles on the floor. Marley’s original shape reformed as she passed out from the trauma. Her parents watched in horror from behind a lab window. When they saw she was no longer conscience they ran to her aid. The family soon realized that Marley was doomed to a fate of constant eating and that she would never be normal. Anytime that her appetite grows the Bulk within her threatens to grow as well. Turning herself into authorities, Marley met up with a super hero named the Lady Bug. The Lady Bug was nearly the same age, but was a scientist as well as a super hero. The Lady Bug promised to continue helping her with a cure and to give her a cause as well. Should the world ever need a huge, horrible Bulk to save the day, Marley would be there ready to withhold herself from a meal and to be transformed in the Unbelievable Bulk!

Day 4: “French Vanilla”

| November 5, 2011 | 0 Comments


“She stared up at the building with a trace of despair, a slip of paper in one hand and her purse in the other. The landlord had told her that it was a dreary building, but she was in no way prepared for the sight with which she was greeted. The paint was peeling from the window sills, the tiles were falling off the roof, and the numbers above the doors hung slightly askew.

She stepped back to the cafe on the other side of the street and ordered a coffee. As she drank, she looked at the paper she had with her. It promised an apartment with cheap rent and a street view. She didn’t really care about the rent or the state of the apartment, she just needed somewhere with her name on the letterbox. She wanted to get away from the world, away from overly curious people who cared about her and her life. Tomorrow, she would rent out another place, on the other side of town, under a completely different name.

Many people thought they knew her, but they only knew what she let them see of her. Each person came to know a different version of her. She learned to become like this out of necessity from a very young age, trusting nobody and expecting those around her to show the same level of mistrust.

She plucked a toothpick out of the canister on the table and chewed on it absent-mindedly.

She supposed that one day she would make friends again. She couldn’t live her whole life without

people, but for now she would give it a good shot.

Glancing at the clock on the wall of the cafe, she saw that she had five more minutes before she had to walk through those doors and become yet another version of herself. Hopefully, she would not have to keep this one up for long. She did not have the energy to do this much longer.

Standing up, she left her coffee untouched on the table. Carefully, she smoothed her dark blonde hair back under her hat and left the cafe.

Crossing over once again to stand front of the building, she looked at it with a different perspective. Perhaps this was indeed the wrong thing to do. No matter what though, it was necessary.

She took a deep breath and steeled herself before stepping through the doors.”

 Words: Lana, Art: Julian (Tosche)

#4 The Lady Bug

| November 4, 2011 | 2 Comments

Here is another one of my new characters. If any one is seeing these, they are all meant to be tongue-in-cheek. I am basically creating them on the fly, even though I have been thinking about the story I am wanting to write with them for about a week before the challenge began. I have only uploaded females so far, but I will get to the males soon. Here is The Lady Bug:

A master of technology, college-aged genius Katie Pillar aimed to win the International Greatest New Invention prize held annually in Switzerland. The winner of this prestigious award is given a large laboratory grant with which to further their research. Whipping up her mechanical magic, Katie went right to work on her newest masterpiece. Designed as a chamber that would allow scientists to compact energy molecules into smaller but equally proportionate ratios to their original dimensions, her D-N-Abler was a smashing success. Within this chamber, matter could be shrunken to one tenth of its original size without losing molecular stability and while holding true to its original proportions. Hailed as the new Einstein of her generation, Katie excitedly accepted the award. However, just as hew lab was nearly completed, disaster struck. The criminal possibilities provided by the D-N-Abler made it the perfect target for several of the most powerful crime magnates from across the globe. During a raid on her lab that was carried out by the Mafia, Katie shrunk herself to hide from the criminals. Scurrying under a teacup for safety, she witnessed a battle unlike any other. While the Mafia began to dismantle her machine, foreign extremists arrived to take it for themselves. The end result was several wounded people a destroyed lab and machine, and Katie stuck in miniature mode. She pulled herself together though, and due to her small size, was able to stay alive on the grilled cheese she left on her table. When news got out of the attack, she was able to alert police of where she was when she wrote “Help Me” on the table with breadcrumbs. Brought into a colleague’s lab she began making a miniature version of the machine, though no longer in the form of a chamber. No longer would she trust this technology to ever leave her side. She instead perfected the invention further and created a D-N-Abler device that fit within a tiny jacket that she herself could wear. Realizing the greater potential of the improved machinery, it was clear that the attack on her lab was a blessing in disguise. She could now use her techno talents and D-N-Abler to fight criminals like the ones who had destroyed her technology. She now uses micro might to make right as the heroine known as the Lady Bug.

#3 Prue Lane aka Dinogirl

| November 3, 2011 | 3 Comments

Prue Lane aka Dinogirl, she may be cute and approachable…but she will rip your face off if she doesn’t get daily dose of caffeine.

Sam Medina – Day 4

| November 3, 2011 | 3 Comments

Flatiron, one badass beaver

#3 F00SB0T

| November 3, 2011 | 0 Comments
The bastard offspring of a late-night, rec room tryst, he was an outcast. Now FoosBot kick-punches terror into the heart of the city!

The bastard offspring of a late-night, rec room tryst, he was an outcast. Now F00SB0T kick-punches terror into the heart of the city!

Day 3 – El Guapo

| November 3, 2011 | 0 Comments

#3 Afrodite

| November 3, 2011 | 8 Comments

Here is another new character from the story I am working on. It is obviously (I hope) tongue-in-cheek and spun with a humorous twist. This is Afrodite:

Angela D’Angelo was a nerd by day and a bigger nerd by night, studying botany and part-timing as a florist. While her scholarship was stellar and her grades were better than 4.0, her social life was staggeringly stiff spending most of her time alone with plants that would make most of us sneeze. When her scholarship’s status suddenly depended on more extracurricular involvement, she applied to a sorority to quickly make the grade. Ordered to attend a toga party to join, Angela knew she would never be accepted. Using her vast knowledge of plants and botanical brilliance, she created a pheromone from spores and petals that would make her seem lovely and attractive despite her otherwise appearance. The result was much more powerful than she realized and the potent new perfume convinced even her that she was a new young woman. The party proved a success beyond her wildest dreams as the young men around her felt compelled to carry out her every whim. Perfecting her formula further she discovered a new scent that would render anyone hypnotized by her perceived persona. Continuing to dawn her toga, she has assumed the identity of Afrodite, a beautiful vision of perfection and desire. Capable of convincing all mere mortals to do her bidding is only among the best of her gifts, as she has also used her nimble ingenuity to create other catastrophic concoctions to aid her in getting what she wants.  Should anyone happen upon her at a time when her lovely aroma begins to fade, they may catch a glimpse of the real girl inside who has a truly beautiful mind despite a lackluster look. Claiming to use her new power for purposes of progress rather than personal profit, the greater mystery is her motive and whether or not this Jekyll and Hyde heroism is indeed a part of her true identity.

 

#2 Sharkguin!

| November 2, 2011 | 1 Comment

This fearsome hybrid never knows who to eat.
Insert Sound of a Ravening Sharkguin Here

Day 2 – Wildcat

| November 2, 2011 | 0 Comments

#2 Aqua Mandy

| November 2, 2011 | 0 Comments

 

Here is another character from a tongue-in-cheek super hero story I am working on. This is Aqua Mandy:

Seagull specialist and surfer enthusiast Mandy Huntington was rarely seen away from the beach. Determined to re-write everything we know about these beautiful birds, Mandy loved to spend her time among the gulls and to surf with them as they swooped above the water’s crest.

When an oil tanker floated in way too close to shore, she should have waited it out, but she couldn’t help herself. The tanker’s strange maneuvering was revealed to be the cause of an eco-terrorist attack, and as sailors and sea-saints fought for control of the ship, the tanker slammed into large rocks. Oil spilled out into the sea. Jumping on her board, Mandy went right to work saving swimming sea gulls from a fate worth than death. Struggling to bring them all to shore, she sacrificed her own health and her delicious picnic basket of lunch, which the gulls devoured upon reaching.

By the time the law enforcement was able to stabilize the crises, Mandy was covered in chemically enhanced oil and in critical condition. Her story of sea gull saving bravery broke the hearts of millions and contributions poured in to help her afford a medical procedure that would save her life. Her skin had to be cleansed from the deadly oils. Thus, she was exposed to a medical development that gave her pores the extra help they needed to expunge the oils. This was accomplished by giving her skin the ability to filter water through her skin from the inside out at an incredible rate of speed. The procedure saved her life, but could not be reversed. Now, on a whim, Mandy can filter H2O from the atmosphere into her skin and out through her pores as a powerful force of water. Taking on the moniker of Aqua Mandy, this heroine saves the day while surfing  on her own water and drowning evil with her wonderfully washing waves. When she isn’t fighting crime, she is usually found surrounded by sea gulls and sunbathing to the tune of their lovely song.

 

#2 Cousin Julio

| November 2, 2011 | 0 Comments

A few miles East of East L.A. in the city of La Puente there’s this guy I have to tell you about named Julio Cesar Tapado. At least that’s what his expired driver’s license says. But no one ever calls him that.  For you see this Tapado, is known to all as Cousin Julio. Everyone calls him that. Even people who aren’t related to him.  That’s just one of the many things about Cousin Julio that make absolutely no sense.

They say ignorance is bliss. That makes Cousin Julio the happiest guy in the world. He once asked me what the little creatures in the movie Gremlins were called. If he were any more stupid, he would have to be watered twice a week.

You see at first glance you would figure he’s a lazy dumb ass slacker. You would be right. He spends his days drinking beer, smoking weed, playing video games, and Photoshopping fake celebrity nudes and posting them online.

His greatest skill is being able to roll a joint while driving.  His proudest achievement in life  was his televised high speed chase and take down.

It’s on  YouTube. Check it out. Julio got skills

Cousin Julio’s lifelong dream is to someday do bong rips with his idols Cheech and Chong.

#1 Barbie Q

| November 2, 2011 | 6 Comments

Hi Everyone. I have been thinking about doing a tongue-in-cheek story about super heroes lately and thought that this challenge would help me to stay on task with it. This is one of my new character’s Barbie Q.

Once aspiring to be a super model rather than a super hero, Barbara Quinn never knew she would redefine what it meant to be “hot”. Subjecting herself to an untested and unapproved tanning lotion in order to seal a gig in a commercial, Barbara took a fortunate risk. The chemicals that covered her skin soaked in quickly, however, and immediately changed her DNA when catalyzed by sunlight. She burst into flames while not being consumed by them. As heat rises, so does Barbie Q as the flames lift her toward the sky. She now fights on the side of good, especially if there is a chance to be seen on TV from her good side. And as she likes to tell everyone, every side is her good side. So whether her powers are being used for good, or good publicity, Barbie Q is sure to heat up any scene she appears in.

#1 Gorillanaut

| November 1, 2011 | 8 Comments

Gorillanaut Champion of the Cosmos!

This is the story of the first Gorilla launched into outer space in the American space program.

He was born on June 17th, 1956  in  Uganda’s Bwindi Impenetrable National Park. He was captured by animal trappers and sent to a sideshow in Coney Island New York.  Three years later he was purchased by the United States Air Force and brought to the   Holloman Air Force Base Aeronautical Research Facility or H.A.F.B.A.R.F  in Alamogordo, New Mexico.

Researchers started with a group of 29 chimps and 1 Gorilla as primate flight candidates at H.A.F.B.A.R.F After a series of intensive tests the gorilla beat out the chimps and began training for his space mission.

Beginning in July 1959, the three-year-old Gorilla was trained at  H.A.F.B.A.R.F to do  timed tasks in response to electric lights. In his pre-flight training, Gorillanaut was taught to push a button within two seconds of seeing a flashing red light; failure to do so would result in  punishment in the form of a mild electric shock to his testicles. A correct response earned him a chocolate covered frozen banana from a hi-tech dispenser.

On January 31, 1961, Gorillanaut secured a position in Project Mercury Mission X-2 and was launched from Cape Canaveral, Florida on a  flight beyond the Van Ellen Belt to test radiation levels. The capsule was bombarded with massive doses of gamma rays and suffered a partial loss of the life support system and a fried  communication panel during the flight. Luckily Gorillanaut’s space suit prevented him from suffering any harm.

The gamma rays broke the banana dispenser causing the entire stock of now gamma radiated frozen bananas to fall out.  Sadly, Gorillanaut was so busy gobbling up six cases of bananas that he didn’t  notice the flashing red light and missed his cue to push the control button.  The space capsule bounced off the Earth’s atmosphere upon attempting re-entry and was hurled off into space.

Gorillanaut passed out after gorging himself with bananas. The damaged life support system put him into a state of suspended animation and for the next 50 years he drifted through deep space until his capsule finally orbited back to Earth in 2011 and crashed into the Kardashian’s house killing everyone inside.

As a result of eating gamma radiated frozen bananas Gorillanaut woke up with super intelligence and the ability to speak. He was hailed a hero and has since returned to adventuring in space as….

Gorillanaut Champion of the Cosmos!

2011 Challenger: Robert Worstell

| October 31, 2011 | 0 Comments

Robert C. Worstell

Thanks for this opportunity to show off my artwork.  I’ve been doing cartoons and such all my life, but it’s been taking second-fiddle to many different interests, such as “making a living” and “getting through school”, among others. However, I’ve recently been unearthing my old stuff I did in the odd corners of my life and reviewing these to see how I could get these going as a real enterprise – you know, start making money with this stuff and all my various talents.

And it’s encouraging to see how people are doing this, and all the connections which online publication and sales make possible these days. For I started in the days of actual cut-and-paste, having to send submissions by snail-mail and getting no feedback on the rejections. With cartoons and online publishing, I can get them out via my own virtual publishing house, with the whole world wide web to bring new clients to my virtual door. (You can tell I’m a bit excited about breaking into this, can’t you?)

My characters will be based on the caricatures I’ve been doing at County Fairs during recent summers. (Felt-tip pen and crayon-pencils on art paper.) In fact, I found out about 30 Characters from the website of a fellow caricaturist at Columbia College in Missouri (where we’ve shared gigs there for years.)

Final Series Issue - the end?

End of the Mexico Goat

Here’s a collection of a test run I did last year for a local Facebook celebrity called the Mexico Goat (who annoyed local pet-control officers for several weeks before a literal cowboy caught him with lasso from horseback.)

Luck to us all!

2011 Challenger: Jesse Kiefer

| October 21, 2011 | 4 Comments

Hey everyone, this may end up sounding like a horrible bachelor intro off of the dating game but… here goes nothing!

My name is Jesse Kiefer , I’m a full time Elementary Art teacher and a martial arts instructor (hence the sword in my pic…) in Fremont, NE. With my free time I do some work as a freelance illustrator. I have also tried my hand at various webcomic projects off and on for the last 5 years, with my most recent project being Tank-Monkey.

I was inspired to sign-up for the 30 Characters Challenge after meeting some former participants and seeing how positive everyone has been about the work created. It seemed like a fun online environment to create within.

My goal is to create and develop characters for my current projects but I’m going to leave myself open to new ideas regardless of whether they fit anywhere or not. I’m really excited to meet new people and see new things, and I am chomping at the bit to get started.

I also like moonlit strolls on the beach, and champagne by candlelight.

Day# 29 – Myrll (with writer, James S. Allen)

| November 30, 2010 | 0 Comments
#29 Myrll, a Fincali female, from the novel Alien Artifacts by James S. Allen

#29 Myrll, a Fincali female, from the novel Alien Artifacts by James S. Allen

Myrll is another Character from the novel Alien Artifacts by James S. Allen. This concept sketcb took me two days to pull together this far. She is an exeptionally intelligent ‘avianoid” of the Fincali race. As you can see from the art, the Fincali evolved from bird-like creatures. In Fincali mythology it is said that upon a time, the race actually had the power of flight using their own wings.

Here is a brief excert from the author describing Stephen and Rowen, young Xenoarchaeologists, first encountering Myrll:

~~~~~

It was a Fincali.

Inside one of the glass fronted shops was an adult Fincali, pounding with both hands on the glass wall and shouting at them.  Well, not exactly shouting.  Fincali were not particularly equipped for shouting.  It was really more like wild trilling and screeching.  But for a Fincali, it was the equivalent of shouting.

As they drew near, they saw that the Fincali was wearing an envirosuit.  One of the sleeves of the suit bore the emblem of Universalis University.  The Fincali she as they were now able to distinguish by the distinctive crest of plumage that very conveniently differentiated male and female Fincali to other races – flapped her arms about wildly as they approached and then slumped against the wall and slid to the floor.

Great Goatha’s Infinite Orifices!” Stephen exclaimed.  “I hope she’s not dead.  Quick! Let’s get her out of there.”

~~~~~

Afternote: This one was really, really hard for me to draw. Large bird legs in perspective, how to get her looking natural, poised and balanced. Really tough!  In the end I simply ran out of time. Oh, and that thing in her hand is not an alien cosmetic bag its a kind of ray emitting weapon, and she’s an expert shot.

I hope you enjoy this in spite of its flaws. ;`)

Day# 28 Sonata (with writer James S. Allen)

| November 28, 2010 | 0 Comments
#28 Sonata, from the novel Alien Artifacts by James S. Allen, by Jande Rowe

#28 Sonata, from the novel Alien Artifacts by James S. Allen, by Jande Rowe

#28 Sonata, from the novel Alien Artifacts by James S. Allen

Note: As promised, here is another, and I must say–very important– character from the novel Alien Artifacts, by James S. Allen. Since at this time I don’t have the time to colour it in a way that would do it justice, I’ve presented it in black and white for your pleasure. The coloured version will come along later. Once again, James has given me a most generous excerpt form Alien Artifacts, featuring the debut of Sonata, little alien woodland creature. And smart? Ooh! Sure is!

But since I’ve been privileged to read the whole novel, I must be careful. I don’t want to hand out any spoilers. There is so much depth and fun in this novel, I wouldn’t want you to miss any of it.

So here is the excerpt, and my thanks to James for allowing me the privilege of drawing his characters.

~~~~~

In the gray, early hour before dawn, Stephen was jolted awake, this time by a cry from much closer at hand.  He’d heard Rowan scream, he was sure of it! But like the cry in middle of the night, hers too was suddenly cut off.  A surge of adrenaline shot through him as fear clenched at his gut.  He leapt to his feet, staggering slightly with dizziness at the suddenness of his rising.  Where was Rowan?

As a matter of fact, she was standing in the basket just in front of him, facing its forward end.

“Rho!”  he exclaimed.  “Are you all right?  I heard you cry out.”

She held a finger to her lips and then whispered, “I’m fine.  Sorry to alarm you.  I’m afraid I’ve frightened it as well.”

It?”  he replied in a whisper, looking around. He noted that Myrll was sitting quietly in the rear of the gondola, head tilted in puzzlement.  “What ‘it’ have you frightened? And why are we speaking in whispers?”

“So we don’t frighten it anymore.”  she said.  “It was just so startling to find it there when I awoke that I let out a scream before I could stop myself.  Now I feel badly.”

Stephen looked at Rowan wonderingly.  “Uh, find what where?  Rho, by Goatha’s Lolling Tongue, what are you talking about?”

“Shhh!” she admonished, and inclined her head towards the front of the gondola.  “That.”

A small furry head with large, liquid golden eyes, popped up from the edge of the basket.  “Purdeeep…purdeeep?” it chittered.  It looked over the occupants of the basket, head darting from side to side.  When no one moved it apparently reached a decision, and leapt nimbly from the side of the basket to one of the ropes that held the gondola suspended.  “Purdeeep?”  It called again questioningly.

It was roughly the size of a large earthly squirrel, and similar in shape, with a luxuriantly furred body and a large bushy tail.  Instead of four limbs, however, it had six.  The hind legs were powerful and well-muscled, made for jumping and climbing.  The four front limbs were like two sets of arms, each ending in a tiny articulated hand with three fingers and a thumb for grasping.  Its fur was a glossy black, with splotches of gold and orange.  On its face was a tiny white bandit’s mask, and just above each of it hands, there was a band of white fur that encircled its arms.

“It’s absolutely gorgeous.”  Rowan breathed raptly, “And so cute!  I wonder what it might like to eat?”

Stephen had to agree.  It was both.  Still, it was also a wild creature on an alien world.  Caution would doubtless be the wisest course of action.

“Rho,” he whispered diffidently, “do you really think it’s wise to get involved with an unknown wild creature, stranded here as we are, amongst aliens of uncertain intent?”

Rowan considered briefly, and shook her head from side to side slightly.  “No.  Almost certainly not.”

The creature, who had been looking from one human to the other as they spoke, shook its head from side to side.

“No… neither do I.”  Stephen whispered back.

“So,” Rowan repeated.  “I wonder what it might like to eat?”

“I suggest some of the nuts we brought from the island.”  Stephen offered hopefully.  “It looks a bit like a squirrel, and they certainly like nuts.”

~~~~~

Afternote: I’m toying with the idea of Having Rowan and Stephen as my last two characters, but they  may be too complex for me to create in a way that will satisfy the writer.  I’m going to give it a try anyway and see what happens.  If they don’t turn out, I’ll do something else. I’d really like to have an awesome finale piece (but I’m afraid I won’t be able to top this one. lol)

Enjoy!

Day# 27 A Pair of Gorths (with writer James S. Allen)

| November 28, 2010 | 0 Comments
#27 A Pair of Gorths, from the novel Alien Artifacts by James S. Allen

#27 A Pair of Gorths, from the novel Alien Artifacts by James S. Allen

#27 A Pair of Gorths, from the novel Alien Artifacts by James S. Allen

(#25)Rok’sla has an excerpt that introduces the Gorths in James S. Allen’s novel Alien Artifacts. Here is another small excerpt from Alien Artifacts featuring the Gorths:

~~~~~

“Behind them, the tortured entry door finally yielded, a large mass of it slumping away to one side.  Two Gorth pirates leapt through the opening, sailed over the still molten metal, and landed in a crouch, prepared to deal instant death with the blasters they waved about with disturbing eagerness.  Enragingly, however, the quarry they had pursued so relentlessly to this place refused to reveal themselves and be properly blasted.  In unconscious tribute to the forces of natural selection that had shaped them from ferociously thoughtless killers to thoughtfully ferocious killers, they refrained from blasting one another.  It was a near thing.”

~~~~~

Afternote: This was supposed to be #26, but I had a power failure and lost my work so I had to start over again. Also the reason the Gorths are uncoloured as yet. No biggie, though. I hope to have a third character from Alien Artifacts ready for tomorrow.

Day# 26, The Swarm From Space

| November 27, 2010 | 0 Comments
#26 The Swarm from Space, by Jande Rowe

#26 The Swarm from Space, by Jande Rowe

They Came From Outer Space

Day #26 –The Swarm

No one knows their origin, most don’t even know they exist. The first indication of that comes when one looks up at the sky, alerted by some kind of strange vibration and a sound of wind.

At first you think they are a cloud of little pink angels, like out of one of your kid’s video games, and you drop to your knees in awe. Then as they come closer, you see the odd, almost shapeless shape of them, each apparently the size of an old water barrel, and you slowly get off your knees, unable yet to grasp the totality of the situation. The strange vibration presses against your ears, and the old, old instinct for survival rises in you. The dog is barking, tail between its legs, backing away from the oncoming swarm. You command the dog to follow, and he scampers to your side still barking. He’s shaking all over.

At long last your legs find themselves running, running. You try to direct that motion, calm the primitive panic. But if you don’t get behind closed doors very soon…

There! No, not the barn! The House! Quickly!

Over your shoulder you see the first wave land, though they never really touch the ground. There must be millions of them! You twist the door handle and it sticks. A scream in your throat, you try again, hitting your hip against the stubborn thing. It bursts open and you flail through, the dog right behind you, and slam it behind you, saying a prayer of thanks, while still wondering why you you are panicking. But still the rational part of you takes a few deep breaths and hurries around the house making sure all windows are closed and locked. You even check the fireplace flue.

You think of your wife and the kids who must be on their way home by now. You should call her, but just then you see through the picture window a scene that chills you to your heart: The verdant field and the trees in full leaf, the herds of goats and sheep have been replaced by a moving blanket of fluttering pink winged blobs. And even as you watch, every living thing is stripped from the land and grey devastation left in its wake.  A shudder goes through you.

The dog has stopped barking. But now it is pressing its shaking body against your leg,  uttering quiet whines. A ringing starts in your ears. You realise it’s your phone. You answer it, numbly. It’s Annya, hysterical, crying..  You cut through her sobs and yell. “Are you in the car? Annya! Answer me! Are the kids with you?”

Her answer is muffled, but affirmative. “Whatever you do –Don’t leave the car! Lock it!  Have you locked it?”

Another affirmitive. “Try and drive home once they’ve passed.” Having to keep her sane and help her get home is helping to steel your own nerves.

In less than a few minutes the world has changed. Every living thing on the surface of the earth has been stripped bare. What will happen now. Will they just leave? Or will they try to pry the rest of us out of our hiding spots? That many of them could break apart a house like this in minutes. Nothing, nowhere, is safe..

And what will happen next, with no harvest, no meat animals except those that were kept inside.

You pull the curtains closed, sickened by the sight of that moving pink carpet of devastation. And you wait. And wait.

Mr Flox

| November 27, 2010 | 0 Comments

It’s Mr Flox! He lives in a box.

Roy the Abstract Zombie

| November 27, 2010 | 0 Comments

Roy likes brains. Roy is also made from stained glass, so he has to be doubly careful during the zombie apocalypse because he could shatter at any time.

Zip

| November 27, 2010 | 0 Comments

Zip JohnsonZip is one third of the Time Freaks; criminals who escaped from a maximum security prison using a makeshift time machine constructed from an old bathtub. After discovering his new ability to travel through time on a series of wacky capers, Zip’s took part in a “renaming ritual” to take on a new “space name”.

Day#25 Rok’sla (with Author, James S. Allen)

| November 26, 2010 | 1 Comment
#25 Rok'sla, by Jande Rowe for Alien Artifacts written by James.S. Allen

#25 Rok'sla, by Jande Rowe for Alien Artifacts written by James.S. Allen

“I have been specially trained.”

Note: James S. Allen has written a delightful space adventure novel, “Alien Artifacts”, about a pair of  Xenoarchaeologists from the Institute of Ancient Studies, Rowan and Stephen, embarking on their first dig on an unknown planet dubbed “Dekkar V”. They are both very excited about  this, but sooner than you would expect things go wrong and they are plunged into a fascinating world of  beauty, intrigue and living alien artifacts. James has kindly given me the excerpt from Alien Artifacts below as an introduction to his character, Rok’sla, of the Calurrian race:

~~~~~

They moved off to follow the well worn path that was indicated by the marker beacons.  It was pleasant to stretch their legs beneath the open sky, even if it was purplish black, after several weeks shipboard.  In the light gravity, they made short work of the journey.  As they approached the camp, they were greeted by a brief burst of static in their suit comms, and then an unfamiliar guttural voice.

“Welcome colleagues.  Please proceed to the airlock on the largest dome.  I’ll be waiting there to greet you.”

They cycled through the designated airlock and emerged into a large, brightly lit room that was obviously a laboratory.  The room was strewn with sealed boxes, equipment, instruments and ancient alien artifacts in many shapes and sizes.  There were also three persons in the room.  The smallest of these, an orange-skinned gnomish looking individual, moved forward to greet them.  He waited while Stephen and Rowan removed their helmets, and then addressed them in the same guttural voice that had come across the suit comm units.

“Greetings.  I am Dr. Rok’sla.  I lead the UU expedition.  These are my associates,  Assistant Researchers Kloskan and Durnel.”  He indicated the two figures that towered behind him to the left and right.

Stephen looked at them and did a double take.  The seven foot tall reptilian forms were familiar to him, and he was quite taken aback to see them standing here in lab coats.

“Yes,” continued Dr. Rok’sla drily, “they are indeed Gorth.  There is a great deal of…misinformation that circulates about the Gorth race.  Contrary to popular opinion, they are not all pirates.  Many of them choose to pursue careers in the arts and sciences.  As have these two, my able colleagues here on Dekkar V.”

The two Gorth smiled hugely at Stephen and Rowan, revealing a startling array of jagged razor sharp teeth.

“Unfortunately, however, one piece of common knowledge about the Gorth is true.  They are quite unable to master Galcom, and hence will be unable to converse with you directly.  If there is anything you wish to ask of them or convey to them, I fear I will have to translate for you.”

This piqued Rowan’s curiosity.  “That’s quite fascinating Dr. Rok’sla.  I understood the Gorth to communicate by extremely low frequency sound waves, produced and received by specially evolved organs in their tails.  Those frequencies are far below the threshold that can be created by the vocal apparatus of most species.  Are you saying the calurrian race have some sort of similar capability?”

An unreadable expression appeared briefly on the bulbous features of the rotund little being and he answered tersely.

“I have been specially trained.”  His face smoothed again into its former blandness.  “And now, perhaps, you would extend the courtesy of introducing yourselves?”

~~~~~~~

Afternote: The next Character will also be from the novel Alien Artifacts. James has definitely created some memorable ones. It has been interesting finding a balance between the ones I saw in my own minds eye when I read the novel and the ones I shape from my discourse with the author. Another completely new and satisfying process –a path to agreement– must be forged in order for the author to be happy with what emerges from my pen.

Enjoy!

Yip

| November 25, 2010 | 0 Comments

Yip, a common thug who can travel through time in a bathtubYip is one third of the Time Freaks; criminals who escaped from a maximum security prison using a makeshift time machine constructed from an old bathtub. After discovering his new ability to travel through time on a series of wacky capers, Yip decided it was a good idea to take on a new “space name”.

Day#24 Baron Bleebharan, Rebel Artist

| November 25, 2010 | 0 Comments
#24 Baron Bleebharan for Wheeler's Orbits by Jande Rowe

#24 Baron Bleebharan for Wheeler's Orbits by Jande Rowe

“Self-Portrait of a Failed Abstract Artist”

by Baron Bleebharan of  the Outer Rim Artists Colony, circa 2420(GR)

Day # 24: A Balthrazhod: Baron Bleebharan.

The above self portrait of Baron Bleebharan, a Balthrazhod artist and framing specialist from  the Outer Rim Artists Colony is said to be the only surviving work of his abstractionist art, though numerous of his maverick landscape works exist even today in the Bleebharan Museum of Natural Art. Below is an excerpt from the BalthrazWiki, sans citations:

“Semi-sentient beings settled a minor planet in the Outer Rim of the Galaxy millennia before the Earth was even a mote in Sol’s Corona. The original settlers were looking for a world of natural beauty so that they might have a bountiful place to begin their artists colony far from the censure of their fellow Balthrazhods. They settled in quite well as a matter of fact, painting up the local fauna and flora and displacing some thirty one thousand indigenous species not to mention enslaving two humanoid species ( the prongles and the fitchrils, both races that would have hunted each other to extinction had the Balthrazhods not taken a shine to their dexterity and  their sensitivity to colour. The dexterity allowed them to do all the kinds of work the Balthrazhods eschewed, leaving the masters to devote all their time to their art; the colour sensitivity allowing even greater range and depth in each piece as the closer to perfection became the work, the more easily the fitchrils would succumb and faint away –rather like Earth canaries who, exposed to the gases emitted in coal mines would falter in their joyous singing and fall from their caged roosts for the betterment of coal miners everywhere).

As the eons of devotion to art progressed, so too did the Balthrazhods, both spiritually and artistically, however they tended to neglect their physical selves and over those same eons became somewhat turgid and slug-like. Those of the Balthrazhods who were able to harness their creativity tended to become more and more abstractionists in temperament, not to mention personally abstracted, to the point of changing their own forms to match their gastropod-like temperaments.

Those who failed artistically tended to become merchants. Of what, you ask? Oh, art supplies and framing, of course.  But those of us here on Terra Firma would not recognize the difference between a Balthrazhod Art Supply Shop and a Balthrazhod Museum of Fine Art.

Baron Bleebharan was one of those failed Balthrazhod artists. Other Balthrazhods had passed judgement upon his works and would have, every one of them, given him the thumbs down if in fact they had anything resembling thumbs by this time. Still, a tentacle curled in contempt had the same effect on a fellow Balthrazhod as the leering thumbs down of an Earth man, secure in his beliefs in The Way Things Worked, had on artists of his own kind.

Baron Bleebharan’s own preference, nay passion, was landscape painting. He abhorred the traditional abstractions (they made him suffer from a vertigo similar to the effect they had on the fitchril slaves), preferring, himself, to capture nature in the raw. The Frilcar of the mountain sunsets, the verlact of the still abundant flora, the streevit sparkle of a marshland spring. These were the colours that moved his turgid juices until he could almost feel it within himself to actually move an inch or two under his own power.

He was filthy rich as most failed artists on the Rim world  were, but he longed for the recognition of his more abstractionist peers. Since he couldn’t help himself, he continued to paint his little landscapes in the face of certain disdain all while he built up his framing business. His reputation as a kooky maverick  brought the curious to his shop (where he even braved the inevitable censure by framing and hanging some of his own curiosities), who then were dazzled by his brilliance in his capacity as an expert and creative framer and when they left his shop they did so after giving the Baron their framing order.

At one point the King and Queen Balthrazhod visited his little shop and came away not only deeply moved (not by his landscapes, of course but by his framing techniques) but determined to provide him with some small reward of stature in the eyes of the world. They gave him a Franglaaesk of his own, a rich reward something along the lines of a Barony in our world. He was told it was a verdant land, filled with all the fauna and flora he could ever want to paint. But he never quite got moving enough to go and visit it. He did send his prongle slaves and they reported in the abstract as they had been trained, that it was a very nice piece of land, complete with an artist’s loft castle and a crystal falls.

As time moved inexorably on, Bleebharan’s yearning for the approbation of his peers finally turned sour. So sour in fact that he decided he’d had enough of the colony world and struck off into space to find perhaps some entities out there if not his own kind, at least maybe of kindred spirit.  And so he had his slaves prepare his last will and testament, leaving all his worldly goods (those left behind) to a Museum of Natural Art, for which he also supplied the funds and the slaves. Then he had them build a ship and fill it with supplies and his favourites of his landscapes, as well as the tools of both his trades, and off he shot into space where he soon ran into a spot of trouble involving a pair of humanoid trade runners who refused to be slaves or artists, but were willing to trade goods and barter services on a fairly equal basis. At least he thought it was fairly equal. These “humans” intrigued the Baron Bleebharan and he found their energetic to-ings and fro-ings entertaining to say the least.

Meanwhile back on his home colony planet, his Museum of Natural Art became a huge success with the younger generations of Balthrazhods, starting a whole new movement in the colony much to the shock and disgust of the diehard older generations. The Baron had left his home to wander the wide universe looking for artists made in his own image (so to speak), and in his rush to start over left behind him the very ones he sought. There is a lesson in this tale, but I’d rather not bore you with proverbs –especially since the Baron Bleebharan got to meet and spend some time with Wheeler and Ikey of Wheeler’s Orbits. And that, of course, made the whole thing worth it after all.”

Enjoy!

#15 SuperFreak

| November 23, 2010 | 2 Comments

Exposure to high levels of radiation gave him SUPERPOWERS and the cancer.

#21 Captain Z’Artist

| November 23, 2010 | 0 Comments

Day# 22 Roadkill, Carrion Crow

| November 22, 2010 | 3 Comments
#22 Roadkill, Carrion Crow for Aedre's Firefly by Jande Rowe

#22 Roadkill, Carrion Crow for Aedre's Firefly by Jande Rowe

Not the Eyes! No! Not the Eyes!

#22 Roadkill the Carrion Crow, aka RK, funny little sentient bird that he is, often finds himself disgusted with his own natural appetites. He really has spent too much time roosting outside of that therapists upstairs office. He often wishes he was human so it would be easier to find something else to eat, but heck, on the other hand he is doing a service to the world, cleaning up the reckless by products of human excess, especially the by products of excessive speed in machines of immense mass.

So RK is in two minds about his place in the world. Either he is a disgusting inhumane pecker of mangled dead bodies, or he is a humane creature nobly going around cleaning up the messes that others leave behind. The one place where he draws the line, though is with the eyes. He can’t even bear to look at a dead creature’s eyes, and shudders with disgust bordering on illness at the very thought of eating them, as he knows his fellow carrion brothers do. This of course sets him up for a certain amount of teasing from his fellows. They will even jokingly set an eyeball or two right in front of him from time to time to see if he’ll throw up some sauce to go with the meal.

But, struggling with his dual view of his place in the universe, he has become somewhat philosophical. To the point where, if it is someone else who is having problems adjusting to the world, he will forget his own struggle while he offers sage advice that if he could hear himself, he might consider taking to his own heart.

Strange things happen when he and Aedre cross paths. By this time Aedre is getting used to the occasional talking animal, but RK is as individual as a snowflake. He has a somewhat changeable nature, sometimes easy going on himself and the world; sometimes belligerent and bellicose. He can be startling in his actions and words, but rarely violent, unless provoked or threatened. On the other hand he can also provide some comic relief. When one is on an epic journey every bit of comic relief is appreciated.